The Strange Quintet and the Fountain of Immorality
by javlatua
Summary: A Brit. An Icelander. A Chinaman. A Belgian. And an unnecessary Norwegian. On an epic journey to avenge a dead nation. There will be danger. There will be enemies. There will be lingonberries. But if they work together, they will succeed in finding the Fountain of Immorality. And if they don't, there will be more than simply one dead nation. Kinda sorta yeah it's a crack fic
1. Personification of Nation Allegedly Dead

**Disclaimer: Don't own Hetalia, and probably never will ;A; Also I don't own Lazy Town, or Yo Gabba Gabba, or Haypi Kingdom, or Starbucks, or BBC (ugh was it really necessary to add the last five? might as well say I don't own the English language while I'm at it. Which I also don't own, by the way. Who even owns languages? maybe the people who speak the language...but then I would own English, as well as like a trillion other people? Or maybe the dictionary owns the English language. well, whoever owns it, let's not get too into it because this disclaimer has dragged on enough already)**

* * *

When it had happened, Iceland was lying down on his bed lazily, eating a huge pile of candy while half watching Lazy Town (don't judge him—it's a good kids' show! And Icelandic too), and half playing Haypi Kingdom on his phone. It was one of those languorous days where all Iceland felt like doing was sitting back on his ass and not moving for the rest of the day. Iceland had gone through the whole day so far like this, and it was pure and utter bliss not having to worry about anything or do anything or think about anything. All he needed to do was relax.

Lazy Town had just ended, and Yo Gabba Gabba had come on, and Iceland fucking hated that show, so he grabbed the remote with his sticky hands and changed it to the news. That's when the news came, and that's when Iceland saw the headline:

_'PERSONIFICATION OF NATION ALLEGEDLY DEAD?'_

He chewed on another piece of licorice incredulously. A country—dead? That was impossible! Or, did one nation simply collapse? What huge wars had been going on to have that happen?

But, when Iceland caught a glimpse of the face of said personification, his heart nearly stopped.

* * *

When it had happened, England was at America's house, discussing political relations.

However, the American was restless (most likely being hyped up on too much Starbucks) and kept going off the subject in a much too loud voice, bouncing around his whole living room.

He just wanted to leave this goddamn house. He was not in the mood for this.

But they hadn't gotten anything done yet.

Naturally, this pissed the Brit off. Very much so. And even worse than usual, since he was in such a godawful mood

"OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU ARSEHOLE CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP FOR A BLOODY SECOND THIS IS NOT WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING UGHHH—"

"Hahahaha! Looks like you need a _serious_ break, England!"

"Okay, we'll have a break. But right after it you better fucKING FOCUS ON POLITICS AND NOTHING ELSE, YOU HEAR"

"Okay, okay, Jesus! Who's voice is too loud now..."

England simply sighed, and took out his phone. He made to call his boss to ask for a possible postponing of this meeting with America, when his BBC app dinged and a notification for some news or whatever came up. England was just about to swipe the notification away when he realized what it said.

_'Personification of nation allegedly dead?'_

What in hell...?

Hurriedly, he tapped on the app and immediately started reading the article.

As he was reading, his eyes bugged out in shock, and once he saw the picture, he quickly ran to America's nearest bathroom to retch.

* * *

When it had happened, China was asleep.

He was feeling alone earlier that day. Macau and Hong Kong had both moved out much earlier. He'd gotten over it, of course, but for some reason today he couldn't stand the eeriness of the empty house, the only sound being the noises he and Panda made.

China soon woke up, however, to his phone ringing continuously. Still half asleep and grumbling, he rubbed as much of the dried rheum as he could out of his eyes and picked up the phone without bothering to glance at the caller ID. "Wèi,"

Someone was talking really fast and really incomprehensibly on the other end. China recognized the voice. "Taiwan, aru? Why did you call me at three in the morning?!"

Taiwan was blubbering as she talked, but soon she cleared her words enough for China to understand.

"What? Who's dead, aru? Taiwan! Have you been seeing a human? You know that as nati— Oh. Well, _sorry_, aru. Wait, what?! Oh, stop joking with me, aru. Your teacher's not that dumb. In fact, I'm not dumb at all, aru! Taiwan. Taiwan, aru, it's bad to lie. _Taiwan—_are you actually serious? No, that's impossible, aru. He can't die...oh, wǒ de tiān na TAIWAN I AM COMING OVER YOU BETTER NOT BE LYING ARU"

China was breathing hard as he climbed out of bed, the sleep gone from his eyes. He couldn't have actually been _dead_, could he?

* * *

Some nations had later confirmed that the wails of these three nations had been heard around the world, from Canada to Thailand to anywhere else. These claims were declared without proof, however, so we kinda doubt it's true. But, if a nation can allegedly die, anything can happen, correct?

Quite correct.

* * *

**[A/N]: wèi - 'hello' in Chinese pinyin  
**

**wǒ de tiān na **\- 'oh my God' in Chinese pinyin****

**fun fact: i was obsessed with haypi kingdom for a good while**

**also eeriness is a weird looking word**

**also did you realize that they are all using their phones in each thing wow**

**Anyway, so I know this was kinda short, but this was more of a prologue of sorts. well, not really, I guess, because you're gonna need to read it to understand the next chapter? I dunno**

**The action won't start until later, but I must warn you: This is a crack fic, so the characters might be OOC and some p weird things will happen. also there will be gore and a shit ton of cursing. not to mention bad humor. I hope y'all are ready for this, because I am!**

**Review?**

**~giraffe**


	2. Investigating with Sherlock England

**Guest Reviews: (thank you guys soo much by the way)**

**RandomCookie: LOOK I AM CONTINUING YAY glad you liked it**

**Guest: I actually updated aren't u proud of me here is your moar**

**Also, thank you to YumeTsukiHikari, Esta Bondevik, A pirates life for Bunny, and AurorMist for the follows! luvr u haert**

**and thank very much to AurorMist for the favorite it made me quite happy**

**Disclaimer: Are you kidding? Hetalia owns me**

* * *

Now, Norway was a heavy sleeper. It took a lot to wake him up, and if he didn't wake up on his own accord with a fresh full night's sleep, especially on his days off, things would get nasty.

Nasty like, your family would have to start planning your funeral if you dared wake him up.

Okay, it didn't usually go that far, but almost everyone knew no one should mess with Norway's sleep.

Everyone except his own damn phone, apparently.

The phone was right next to his ear—Norway must have fallen asleep doing whatever things on his phone—and it played that annoying, extremely loud ringtone that he was a fucking idiot to have added.

Suddenly Norway was awake, but still sleepy, and pissed as hell.

"I fucking swear if it's Denmark I'm going to make him wish he wasn't alive," He groped about for his phone and checked the caller ID. Lillebror. Iceland?! Norway picked it up to groggily chew Iceland out for waking him up.

"What the fuck, Iceland? You know I'd still be asleep you little piece of shit, when I get up I'm going to fucking kill—" Norway fit in a yawn before continuing. "—youuuuu..." He yawned again. "I'll choke you like Denmark, fæn, you'r—"

The sound of Iceland sobbing made him stop in his tracks.

"I-Iceland?" Norway then had a bipolar moment, his grumpy mood instantaneously morphing into concern. "Ice, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Norway made out bits and pieces of choked Icelandic that made no sense when grouped together. "Iceland, speak clearly. What is wrong?"

"D-dead, but h-h-how Guð minn he's dead Norway how did this happen why did this happen what—"

Iceland had stopped stuttering, but he still neglected to spill one minor detail in his little blurb. "_Who _is dead, Ice?" Norway asked suspiciously. Had Iceland had a fling with a human or something?

"Hong Kong..."

Wait.

What?

"Iceland, please."

"I am NOT joking, Nore, it was on the news and he had like eight knives in him and God it was so bloody Norway if you fucking think I'm lying look it up okay I don't know how it happened or what even happened really but it's not a joke I'm not a child I'm not Denmark I don't fucking kid around!" Iceland was yelling by the end of this, shocking Norway internally. Even when he was alone he tended to stay emotionless.

"Okay, okay, calm down, I'll look it up. But you and I and everyone else know that it is impossible..." Norway was still skeptical, of course. How in hell was he supposed to believe Hong Kong was _dead_?

Nevertheless, with much effort, he rose up off the safe comforts of his bed and to his desk where his laptop sat. He sped back to his bed, buried himself under the covers, and set the laptop on his abdomen to warm it up as he turned it on.

"Norway? Have you looked it up?" Iceland's voice wavered out of the phone Norway forgot he hadn't hung up.

"I'm doing it, I'm doing it," the Norwegian muttered as he took his sweet sweet time typing in his username and password with both index fingers.

They both stayed silent for a while as Norway's computer was loading at an irritatingly slow pace. Then Iceland broke the silence. "Noregur?"

"Mm,"

"I-I'm sorry for yelling at you. It was, uh, kinda unnecessary."

Norway let a faint smile escape. "It's okay, Island."

More silence. Norway wanted to throw his computer for being so laggy, but he enjoyed the feel of the smooth undersurface of the laptop slowly heating up on his bare stomach too much.

"Hurry up, Nore," Iceland complained. "It can't possibly take that long,"

"Patience, Ice. It needs to load before I can do anything, doesn't it?"

"Get faster internet."

"Give me the money for that and we'll talk,"

"Fuck you, you don't need to borrow my money anyways,"

"Then don't tell me how to control my internet life."

"You have an internet life?"

"Do not underestimate me. I'm quite hip. I know all the new styles and whatever. Like how it's stylish to be angsty and have blogs complaining about how your life sucks. I can do that too, just like you,"

"...Just shut up and look it up. The internet must have started working by now."

Norway chuckled a bit. "Okay." He typed in 'hong kong dead.' "Murders in Hong Kong, some TV show, the amount of money it takes to house the dead, personification of nation dead—_wait_,"

"I TOLD YOU!" Iceland's voice screeched from the phone. Norway flinched and hastily turned the speaker off. "I told you he was dead! See what happens when—" His voice was cut off by an incoming call.

"Um, hold on," It was England. Norway pressed answer. "Hello, England?"

"Y-yes, Norway, I won't be able to come to the magic meeting tomorrow," England said in a voice smaller than usual. "Tell that to Romania too, would you?"

"Sure, but why?"

"I-I just can't come."

Norway narrowed his eyes. "Well, I get _that_, but you need a legitimate reason as to why you can't come."

"Who made up that bloody rule?!"

"You."

"I did _not_!"

"Um, ja, you did. Remember that one day Romania skipped?"

"Oh."

Iceland cut in, "Is it because of Hong Kong?"

England gasped. "You know about that?"

"Well, it was on the news..."

"Oh, right."

"So that is the reason, right?" Norway interjected.

"Yes," England admitted. "I just—I don't understand. How the ever-loving fuck did he die? The knives shouldn't have just...he would've..."

"I know," Iceland sympathized. "I don't understand either? But, I just want to know, how did the blades...get in? They were all twisted and—"

Norway had tuned out their conversation by reading the articles about the subject of their conversation when he got another call. Forgetting to check the ID, he answered. "Yes?"

"HE'S DEAD ARU"

"Wh—China? How do you have my number?"

"I don't know I just typed in random numbers BUT I NEED SOMEONE TO VENT TO ARU SOB WHYY HIM"

"I KNOW RIGHT"

"IT'S NOT FAIR"

"WHYYY"

"NOOOORWAAAY WHY DID HE DIIIIIE SOB (aru)"

"Why me,"

As the three of them continued their sob fest, Norway decided to send a quick email to Switzerland, the host of the next World Meeting which was to happen in a few days. Hong Kong's death would _definitely_ have to be a topic there.

* * *

"Don't you think he'd be at a morgue by now? Or, like, another nation's house? Or an investigation place? Or anywhere else besides _rotting in his own damn kitchen_?!"

China rolled his eyes at Iceland's antics. "You don't know Taiwan, aru. She'd probably beat the policemen up so they wouldn't take him anywhere."

England raised his eyebrow in question, taking the fag out of his mouth. "But why? Wouldn't it be smart to take him to the police for an investigation so they could figure out what happened, and how or why he died?"

"And why couldn't she beat up the press, too," Iceland mumbled.

"I don't know, okay, aru? You can do the investigating in your long coat anyway. All I know is he'll definitely be in there, aru," China said as they reached upon the door to Hong Kong's apartment.

China, England, and Iceland had come to Hong Kong to check up on the corpse of the once Special Administrative Region. Taiwan and South Korea were already there and had been the first ones to lay eyes on the mutilated Hong Kong. Korea was also the one who had informed the press, much to Taiwan's annoyance, who had only told China and Vietnam.

"You're going to look like an idiot in front of them in that getup," Iceland murmured to England for the about the third time since they'd met up at the Hong Kong International Airport.

England, clothed in a full on stereotypical Sherlock Holmes costume complete with the hat and the magnifying glass (but a cigarette instead of a pipe), took major offense to that comment. He'd only come this way because it was, as he'd put it, 'proper attire to investigate the cause of the death, if it hasn't been already investigated.' But Iceland seemed to be the only one who cared how he was dressed. "Sherlock Holmes was not an idiot at all, not by a long shot! Why, he was a master—"

Iceland cut him off. He wasn't in the mood for a lesson on British detectives. "Okay, okay, whatever. But they _will_ be staring at you,"

China rang the doorbell multiple times before Taiwan finally opened the door with a tear-soaked face. "Oh! Gege!" she exclaimed, sniffing. She surprised China by jumping in for a hug. It was quick though, as she let go to acknowledge the two guest European nations, one for some reason in abnormal, old-timey detective clothes. "And Iceland and, um, England." They both nodded in greeting, Iceland nudging England in an _I-told-you-so_ way as Taiwan raised her eyebrow a bit at England. "C-come in,"

They somberly followed Taiwan to the kitchen, and was immediately embraced by the bad stench of decease that was only worsening as time flew by. Then their eyes moved to see the body of Hong Kong and each of them gasped.

Of course, England and Iceland had seen the one gruesome picture the press managed to take before Taiwan brutally kicked them out, but seeing it in real life was so, so much worse. The picture had mainly been a head shot, with blood around and the top of his shredded chest. But this was the real thing. His shirt was torn to nothing. The entirety of his chest had been mangled, skin overturned, flesh carved into this way and that. One could see the shining of his wet organs as they lay limp, partially covered by chunks of discarded meat and blood, which had been splashed over the length of his body and all around it, even coming out of his back. Every handle-less blade had been taken out of his body except for one, which was still stuck in his ribcage in an odd twisted angle. His heart and lungs had been sliced across and the heart was now oozing brown blood, though it pumped no more. His bones stuck out at places, tinted with blood and organ juice. One had also apparently found his neck, which had been half sliced, so as not to cut off his head, but leave the throat a mass of dripping blood and awry tendons and sinew. It didn't look precise at all, more like knives had been shot at him from every which way, tearing into his skin and flesh and organs at high speed.

Iceland averted his eyes, clutching his sides. England wanted to retch for the second time. China ran to the bathroom and did just that. Taiwan simply looked down and didn't look at the body.

After China had finished regurgitating his lovely supper, who but South Korea came bounding down the stairs. After spotting the lightheaded Chinese man, he immediately went to hug him.

"ANIKI ANIKI LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED TO HONG KONG DA ZE ISN'T IT HORRIBLE LOOK LOOK"

"I'VE LOOKED ARU I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AGAIN"

England spared another glance at the body of his former colony and took his Sherlock hat off. "I don't know why this is hitting me so hard. I've seen far worse in all my years, but because this was someone who was close to me...I haven't felt this way for a while..."

Korea gazed at England's costume. "Are you a detective?" he asked. "Will you figure out who murdered Hong Kong?"

The Brit gave Iceland a triumphant glance before turning to Korea. "Well, yes, I will be investigating. But, we don't know if it's murder or not,"

"Well, what else could it be?" The normally cheerful Taiwan spoke up. "The blades wouldn't have just flown up and accidentally stabbed him!"

"Hmm," England murmured as he surveyed Hong Kong's body again without gagging. "Well, I'll check anyway," He bent down near the corpse, held his breath so as to not breathe into that repugnant odor, and took out his magnifying glass. He simply peered into it as he waved it around Hong Kong's injuries.

"Are you kidding me aru? You think that's going to help?!" China yelled in exasperation.

England looked up. "He was killed seventeen hours and twenty-three minutes ago. By, who, I can't figure out, as no fingerprints or any clue of a murderer were found on the subject but his own fingerprints and Korea and Taiwan's in that time span. Korea and Taiwan touched him three hours later, after the initial death had already happened. And it's highly unlikely that it was a suicide, because he'd died at the sixth knife and could not have put the four other blade in himself. This is a most unusual case. Do any of you know what he was doing before this?"

The other nations all looked at each other. "No," Taiwan said slowly. "I don't think so,"

"Wait, am I the only one who doesn't understand how the hell he was able to find that out by looking at Hong Kong through a magnifying glass?!" Iceland asked, incredulous. Then he seemed to realize something. "Wait, he _was_ murdered?"

"Magic," England explained briskly as he brushed off his coat, which was now lightly stained with blood. "And yes, it was a murder, but I cannot possibly fathom how it happened. It shows no signs of a murder, but it could be nothing else. Accidents just don't happen like that."

Iceland's expression hardened and he clenched his fists. He started muttering things in Icelandic which no one could translate but they decided not to ask.

"I can't believe he was murdered da ze!" Korea wailed. "When we figure out who it is, they will feel my wrath da ze!"

"Intimidating," China muttered.

"Soo...what do we do now?" Taiwan asked. "Do we just leave him here? Well, he's a nation. So, he'll heal, right...?"

"Not sure..." England murmured. "But, the World Meeting is the day after tomorrow. I guess we'll figure it out then..."

"Until then, aru, let's just leave him here," China wrinkled his nose. "I don't think anyone wants to touch him, right, aru?"

"Mm hmm," Everyone mumbled in consent. They all gave the broken body a sad look, then parted off to their different ways. Taiwan had already decided that she'd stay here to watch over Hong Kong until the World Meeting, just in case. England, China, Iceland, and South Korea went to the airport, and Taiwan made herself at home in the spare room Hong Kong always kept for her upstairs.

None of them noticed Hong Kong's arm twitch a little.

* * *

**[A/N]: fæn - 'fuck' in Norwegian**

**guð minn - 'my God' in Icelandic**

**laptops: the ultimate abdomen warmers**

**i actually feel really guilty that i'm writing this and not working on my other story. but oh well**

**i've never seen an actual mangled body and I wasn't sure what to describe so I just typed up a lot of bullshit gore**

**wow they mentioned denmark three times and he wasnt even there or relevant ok**

**WHO OF YOU KNEW THAT IT WAS HONG KONG WHO DIED ANSWER HONESTLY IN A REVIEW**

**i didn't really like writing the part after Norway's for some reason (i hope you can tell by the quality) but it was necessary**

**so next one is the world meeting where they get actual shite done yay**

**also it may turn into actual crack haha I just don't want this story to be too crazy and out of line and impossibly OOC because I myself have a hard time reading those types of fics. Iceland's gonna be fairly OOC though**

**rEvIEw plEAsE**

**~gIrAffE**


	3. Nobody Listens to Norway

**SomeRandomGuest: Prussia? But...isn't he already dead? Nah, I'm just kidding (love u prussia sorry!) but yeah, it's Hong Kong instead tbh idk why I love Hong Kong but I have a tendency to kill off those I love ._.**

**Mange tak to hetaliafangirl4ever and SomeSimpleStories for the favorites**

**And another huge tak to hetaliafangirl4ever, begitte, SomeSimpleStories, and 5862-senbonzakura for following!**

**Disclaimer: hetalia is not mine; probably never will be**

**ALSO, GUYS, YOU WON'T EVER HAVE TO USE GOOGLE TRANSLATE FOR THIS STORY BECAUSE ALL THE ENGLISH TRANSLATIONS TO LANGUAGES OTHER THAN ENGLISH WILL BE DISPLAYED FIRST THING IN THE AUTHOR'S NOTE BELOW. UNLESS YOU DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH. THEN USE GOOGLE TRANSLATE.**

* * *

Taiwan woke to the doorbell ringing. She vaguely wondered why Hong Kong made his doorbell so loud.

She climbed out of bed, fixed her bedhead, threw on her clothes from yesterday, listened to whoever was outside the door (probably Korea) ring the bell again impatiently, sprayed air freshener that smelled like lavender when she got downstairs, and then finally opened the door.

"Nuówēi?" The said Norwegian nodded, whether in affirmation or greeting she couldn't tell. Taiwan was surprised to see him here. She covered her mouth slightly so her just-woke-up breath didn't waft around in the lavender scented air and reach her guest's nose. "Come in,"

They sat around awkwardly in the living room for a bit after Taiwan offered him tea and he declined. It was unnerving. He just stared off into nowhere with an impossibly blank expression, devoid of any feeling or any clue as to what he was thinking. Taiwan had no idea what to say. Thankfully, Norway then decided to break the silence in a quiet voice. "So, you live with him?"

"Hmm?" Taiwan almost didn't hear him. "Oh no, I'm just staying here, and, um, watching over him." She winced a bit as she said that. Taiwan assumed Norway knew the news. Why else would he come?

"...Can I see him?"

The Taiwanese girl blinked. "Um, hâo," She led Norway to he kitchen, and pushed aside the huge plastic sheet she'd placed there to keep the odor of dead person from stinking the whole apartment up and to avoid any accidental glances at Hong Kong. Looking away (Taiwan figured she'd looked at him enough), Taiwan pointed to the very obvious torn apart body in the middle of the kitchen.

She sneaked a look at Norway. At first glance, he barely looked perturbed, but as she gazed closer, Taiwan could almost sense the slight disgust and horror that he let slip from his emotionless façade.

Nevertheless, Norway inched closer to the limp limbs and a head attached to chunks of flesh—which was the only way to describe what Hong Kong's chest had become. It was atrocious. He looked around the whole kitchen. A still-pointing Taiwan, looking down at the plastic tiled floor. The plastic doorway cover sheet. High maintenance kitchen appliances—refrigerator, oven, microwave, sink, stove, rice cooker, cabinets. Nine bloody handleless blades lying on the countertop. An opened box of Chinese sweets. Pans and pots still on the stove. A hacked-open coconut in the sink, lying next to a single washed plate that had a large crack in it. Rags hastily thrown on the counter. A garbage can that barely held any garbage in it. An odd looking cooking machine atop the microwave. That was interesting. Norway decided to inspect the machine.

It looked somewhat broken, and had a large bowl in the middle of the contraption. Ten little broken handles surrounded the bowl, and it had a mess of buttons on an underside platform. It confused Norway. What kind of a cooking appliance was this? Probably an Asian thing. It still struck him as somewhat suspicious though.

Norway had a thousand questions floating around in his head, just waiting to be answered, but he was scared to voice them. He always felt uneasy around strangers or people he wasn't all too familiar with, Taiwan included.

Finally Taiwan said, "Norway?" He whipped his head around at the sound of his name. She continued, "Uh...are you finished?"

"Um...ja...let me just—" Norway suddenly stopped in his tracks, his breath catching in his throat as the gasp refused to come out. Because what he just saw was definitely _not_ supposed to happen.

"He just moved."

"Excuse me?" Taiwan raised an eyebrow as if she merely hadn't heard correctly.

"I—uh," Norway shook his head slightly. Hong Kong hadn't moved. He was dead. He _couldn't_ move. Norway was just seeing things. Or going crazy. He was probably high off of the overwhelming scent of air freshener that he could literally feel going down his throat when he breathed. Okay. It was just the air freshener. Hong Kong hadn't really moved, of course—

_Åh Herregud yes he had._

There was no denying it now. Hong Kong had twitched _so obviously_ Norway was completely sure he hadn't gotten blitzed from an inhale of air freshener. Norway scrambled closer to the corpse and held his breath, partly from the stench and partly from the anxiousness. Was he really alive? Was it the wind? Could he sense the air freshener from the Underworld? Norway wasn't sure what he should do. He thought about giving it a poke, but no way was he touching that bloody mush.

And then Hong Kong's eye opened in just the slightest. And stared right at Norway through a crack. It was almost unnoticeable. But Norway noticed it. He became a bit afraid, not to mention paranoid, masked under his perpetually calm demeanor. He called for a faerie in Norwegian under his breath and extremely softly, so Taiwan wouldn't hear and become suspicious or believe he was crazy. As soon as he felt the faerie who'd arrived in a matter of seconds flutter past his earlobe, he muttered a request and the faerie immediately, without a second glance, put her hand on Hong Kong's chest. A nod of confirmation was all Norway needed.

"Taiwan," he said quietly.

Taiwan had been watching him intently, confused, but intrigued. She wondered briefly if Norway was a type of detective like England. It would explain why he was inspecting Hong Kong's body with such interest. She didn't think Norway and Hong Kong were actually close. Or were they? The teenager seemed to like European ways after all; he could be going to Europe every day for all Taiwan knew.

When Norway once again shattered the silence, Taiwan started, not expecting the quiet nation to say anything. "Yes?"

"I know you probably won't believe me, but he—he's not dead. He's just unconscious." Norway looked up, expecting a look that screamed, '_go to a mental hospital!_' Instead, all he got from Taiwan was confusion.

"Norway? Can you speak a bit louder, please?"

Norway frowned, but obliged, and in a much louder voice, repeated his previous words. Yet again, the only emotion that Taiwan radiated was utter perplexedness. "Norway, please don't mouth your words. I can't read lips. What won't I believe?"

By now Norway was getting agitated. "I had not been mouthing. I said my words loud and clear. I'm sure of that."

Taiwan looked uneasy. "Well, no sound came out of your mouth. All I heard was 'You won't believe me,'"

"Clean your ears then. I'll say it once more: Hong Kong is not dead. His heart, although extremely faintly, still beats,"

The young Mandarin girl looked like she was trying very hard to fight exasperation. "Norway, _please_, speak! I won't know what you're trying to say unless you do,"

Norway felt the same way, but now he was completely pissed. "_Listen_! I keep saying Hong Kong isn't dead, and I know that I am shouting it; I can hear myself! He's simply unconscious! Did any of that get through to you? Or are you still deaf?" He himself was surprised by his tone of voice. Norway never spoke that loudly to anyone but his family.

Taiwan tugged at her hair in a frustrated manner. "No, I heard nothing! Are you seriously even talking—" Before she could finish, Norway walked past her, out of the kitchen, and out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him shut with a huge bang.

Taiwan blinked as the echo of the slammed door vibrated throughout the house. Why had he gone from politely quiet to exasperated and rude in such a short time? Taiwan sighed, trudging out of the kitchen and drawing the plastic sheet cover back again. It had been too sudden to put up a fight, and she was too tired to fume after he'd left. She collapsed onto the couch. Guests were too much for her this morning—

The doorbell rang. A muffled voice shouted from outside: "Taiwan? It's Thailand! I heard about Hong Kong! I made some authentic kaeng khiao wan for you—you know, the green curry?—if you want it! It'll definitely cheer you up!"

Taiwan groaned. She figured she'd have to be dealing with guests all day.

* * *

**_To Lillebror from me:_**

_Island. I know u won't believe me but u have to listen bc i saW IT WITH MY OWN FUCKING TWO EYES OK_

**_To me from Lillebror:_**

_Um ok calm down what is it_

**_To Lillebror from me:_**

_Hong Kong isn't dead. I saw it an he moved and he saw me and he is fruitless NOT DEAD_

**_To Lillebror from__ me:_**

_*definitely, not fruitless wtf_

**_To me from Lillebror:_**

_wtf do u mean definitely not fruitless is that wat I won't believe. What's not fruitless I don't get it bye_

**_To Lillebror from me:_**

_wait_

**__T____o Lillebror from me:__**

__don't u dare fucking leave__

**___To Lillebror from me:___**

___Island come back___

**___To Lillebror from me:___**

___ISLAND DIDNT U GTE MY TEXT  
___

**____To Lillebror from me:____**

____HONG KONG IS ALIVE COME ON____

**_____To Lillebror from me:_____**

_____YOUR BEST FRIEND IS NOT DEAD HE TWITCHED_____

**_____To Lillebror from me:_____**

_____ICELAND_____

**______To Lillebror from me:______**

______piCK UP YUOR GODDAMN PHONE______

* * *

______**To Not A Real Wizard from me:**  
______

______England______

**______To me from Not A Real Wizard:______**

______Yes?______

**______To Not A Real Wizard from me:______**

______Hong Kong isn't dead. I saw him move and he saw me.______

**______To Not A Real Wizard from me:______**

______believe me.______

**______To me from Not A Real Wizard:______**

______...believe what?______

______**To Not A Real Wizard from me:**  
______

______England I literally just told u______

**______To me from Not A Real Wizard:______**

______No you didn't you just said believe me______

**______To Not A Real Wizard from me:______**

______What the fuck______

**______To Not A Real Wizard from me:______**

______Hong Kong is not dead.______

**______To me from Not A Real Wizard:______**

______Norway? Were you going to tell me something?______

**______To Not A Real Wizard from me:______**

______yes your fucking son or whatever is alive ok are you purposefully doing this______

**______To me from Not A Real Wizard:______**

______Norway?______

**______To Not A Real Wizard from me:______**

______What______

**______To me from Not A Real Wizard:______**

______Oh, I thought I lost you. You were saying? What am I to believe?______

**______To Not A Real Wizard from me:______**

______I'm going to say this one last time ok.  
Hong Kong is not dead.  
You better have gotten that I fucking swear______

**____________To Not A Real Wizard from me:____________**

____________HONG KONG ISNT DEAD____________

**__________________To Not A Real Wizard from me:__________________**

____________HES ALIVE GOT IT____________

**____________To Not A Real Wizard from me:____________**

____________CAN YOU EVEN READ HES ALIVE____________

**____________To me from Not A Wizard:____________**

____________Norway? Are you still there?____________

* * *

____________**To Kina from me:**  
____________

____________china please receive this____________

**____________To me from Kina:____________**

____________Norway? I got it aru what's wrong?____________

**____________To Kina from me:____________**

____________...why do u say aru in ur texts____________

**____________To me from Kina:____________**

____________STOP JUDGING ME ARU____________

**____________To Kina from me:____________**

____________Ok fine. Just...I'm going to send u a lot of texts so piece them together____________

**____________To me from Kina:____________**

____________Ok...?____________

**____________To Kina from me:____________**

____________Hong Kong____________

**____________To Kina from me:____________**

____________((did you get that))____________

**____________To me from Kina:____________**

____________Yes Hong Kong what aru I know he's dead if that's what ypu're saying____________

**____________To Kina from me:____________**

____________Hong Kong is____________

**____________To me from Kina:____________**

____________Go on aru____________

**____________To Kina from me:____________**

____________not dead____________

**____________To me from Kina:____________**

____________I said go on aru!____________

**____________To Kina from me:____________**

____________Hong____________

**________________________To Kina from me:________________________**

____________Kong____________

**________________________To Kina from me:________________________**

____________Is____________

**________________________To Kina from me:________________________**

____________Not____________

**________________________To Kina from me:________________________**

____________Dead____________

**____________To me from Kina:____________**

____________HONG KONG IS WHAT ARU____________

**____________To Kina from me:____________**

____________HES NOT DEAD  
____________

**____________To me from Kina:____________**

____________NORWAY____________

**____________To me from Kina:____________**

____________OK IF YOU WONT TELL ME THEN GOODNIGHT ARU SO RUDE____________

**____________To Kina from me:____________**

_oh my god..._

* * *

______**To Idiot from me:**  
______

_Danmark are you getting my texts_

**_To me from Idiot:_**

_JAA_

_**To me from Idiot:**  
_

_lmao why_

**_To Idiot from me:_**

_just tell me if you get my next one_

**_To Idiot from me:_**

_Hong Kong is not dead._

**_To me from Idiot:_**

_Did u send it_

**_To Idiot from me:_**

_Yes_

**_To me from Idiot:_**

_NAH DIDN'T GET IT idk why_

**_To Idiot from me:_**

_..._

**_To Idiot from me:_**

_I hate Apple_

* * *

_**From Telenor to me:**  
_

_You have used up nearly 65% of your messaging data limit for the month. If you use up to 100% before this month's end, you will have to pay a fine of 100 NOK for the following month._

**_From me to Telenor:_**

_WELL FUCK YOU TOO_

* * *

**[A/N]: Nuówēi - 'Norway' in Chinese pinyin**

**hâo - 'okay' in Chinese pinyin**

**ja - 'yes' in Norwegian ((forgot to put that last chapter))**

**Kina - 'China' in Norwegian**

**åh Herregud - oh God in Norwegian**

**Telenor is a Norwegian phone company. NOK is Norwegian Kroner: the Norwegian currency. I don't know if Telenor gives out these types of messages in Norway where you have to pay a fine if u go over your texting limit, but my phone company in America does ugh. If anyone wants to clear up any mistakes I made with that please tell me because I am not Norwegian and I don't know shit**

****Wow i haven't updated in a while. I mean it's nothing compared to my other stories but still wow****

****the texts were fun tho.****

****I lied the world meeting's tomorrow****

**but anyway I'm glad to know I surprised some people with the revelation of who died? idk I tried to make it sorta obvious by putting in like people Hong would be close to (except Norway but he was relevant. He's always relevant. ...truth be told I just _really really_ like writing Norway uvu...although he _was_ being a bitch to Taiwan at the end ngl)**

**a review or two would be much appreciated**

**~giraaaaaaffe**


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